


Jaded Jaebum

by KakeWarlock



Series: A-Z Kpop Oneshots [6]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, OT7, Other, its all platonic yall, jaebum needs love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:38:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KakeWarlock/pseuds/KakeWarlock
Summary: in which jaebum comes to learn that his members care about him and he should to





	Jaded Jaebum

**Author's Note:**

> i havent updated anything in so long omg but my sister gave me wise advice bc im stuck on E in my a-z oneshots. she told me i didnt have to update them in order!!!
> 
> i didnt think about that.
> 
> hope you guys like it and check out my other stuff!

Im Jaebum, contrary to popular belief, was a very sensitive person.

 

At this, many would nod their heads, thinking back to times where JB let his anger out at a simple joking insult. Times when he was tired at dance practice and took it out on his members, only to regret it the next day. But that wasn't really true.

 

Im Jaebum was a very weak person and often showcased his anger to hide the fact that sometimes he just wanted to curl into a ball and cry.

 

Sometimes, he wanted somebody to hold him and give him encouraging words so he could last the day. Sometimes, he just wanted for someone to tell him he was worth it.

 

No Jaebum didn't want to die. But he often found himself thinking, what was the point of living if there was nothing he could truly enjoy?

 

JB couldn't tell anybody, though, because he was the leader. The leader never showed weakness. So he always put up a front, with hardened eyes and curt anger or polite eyes and fake smiles.

 

But he would never admit to himself, that when one of the members of the maknae line would climb into his bed quietly, he held onto them a bit tighter.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The stress had not been out of nowhere.

 

It built up, after days of practicing and straining his vocal cords in songs. After days of meeting with producers and securing free days while the other members rested at home because of their minimal schedule.

 

JB sighed as he rubbed his sore neck, wincing as he touched the skin on his larynx. Since the high notes had been added to their tracks, his throat had been sore 24/7.

 

But he felt happy. He had managed to get Got7 a break. Even if it was after a week it was fine. JB could last one more week before it was the break. And he was right but so very wrong.

 

JB could last the week of stress because he was a leader and,well, _leaders do that_ but Im Jaebum was a boy thrown into responsibility and anxiety at the wrong time.

 

Who said he could last?

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Got7 was so ecstatic to hear the news of the break, they didn't even care that they had to wait a week to get it.

 

JB smiled at his members rejoicing, while thinking about his next step in action. Jaebum, on the other hand, frowned as he stared at his members.

 

He could see Mark’s shoulders sagging, as if he had been carrying the weight of the world. He could hear Jackson coughing every moment, his vocal cords stressed by his unnatural rapping. He could see how thin Yugyeom had gotten, as if determination was all the boy ate to keep him going. He saw Jinyoung's ragged form and Youngjae’s bags under his eyes and could conclude they had barely gotten any rest.

 

But Bambam. Bambam was the worst. The poor boy looked like a combination of all of them and it hurt his heart so much that he slightly dropped his authority-like voice and went over to Bambam.

 

“Bambam,” he called out, his voice coming out painful and scratchy. “Get some rest. You look like the undead.”

 

Bambam looked like he wanted to argue but shut his mouth, allowing Jaebum to guide them to the 97 line’s room. It was a rare scene for Jaebum being caring instead of Jinyoung so he didn't dwell on it for long and instead basked in it.

 

As Bambam got into bed tiredly, he pulled on Jaebum’s shirt slightly. But Jaebum, startled, fell on the bed. “Hyung,” Bambam whined, drawing the other man closer. “Sleep with me.”

 

There was a slight demanding tone to his voice and JB wanted to scold him because _you're not supposed to treat your hyungs like that_ but he found that he didn’t care. The raging sea of thoughts in his mind calmed down as he laid next to the young boy.

 

And for once in a very long time, JB slept contently.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

The first thing Jaebum noticed when he woke up was that the bed felt strangely empty. After the rush of last night’s events came back, he realized why. The second thing he noticed, was that his throat was very sore.

 

He rubbed at the sore skin as he coughed, an uncomfortable feeling in his throat. He ignored it, choosing to shower and get ready for the day. But by the time he was done, his throat didn’t even change a bit, pain lingering every time he swallowed.

 

JB opened his drawer, and grabbed a handful of cough drops. He ate one and stuffed the rest in his pocket for if he felt worse later.

 

By the time he went downstairs everybody was up, and looking way better than they had the day before. Jackson and the maknae line were arguing about better brands of shoes while Jinyoung and Mark chatted quietly in the corner, glancing at them every so often.

 

The table quieted when he came and he felt bad, hoping he didn't ruin the mood before Jackson slung an arm around him and grinned cheekily, “So,” he started mischievously “I heard you and Bambam slept together last night.”

 

The way he said it made the table go “Ooh,” and made Jaebum’s cheeks a bit pink. He opened his mouth to give a response,

 

“Be quiet Jackson. It's not like you don't sneak into Mark’s room at night for cuddles.” It was meant to be a joke but everyone at the table stiffened and turned to him.

 

“Hyung?” Youngjae asked, “What happened to your voice?” the rest of the members nodded and Jinyoung ushered him towards his plate of breakfast to eat.

 

Jaebum cleared his voice awkwardly, “I think I might be coming down with a slight cold.” he admitted. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mark glance at the medicine cabinet and he restated his words, “It’s not that bad guys, all i have is a sore throat.”

 

“Yeah, probably from yelling at us all the time,” Yugyeom muttered, crossing his arms.

 

Bambam nudged him and silently told him to respect your hyungs because JB was a ticking time bomb. Surprisingly, though, Jaebum ignored the little comment, and sat to eat. Apparently, that was _very_ surprising for the whole table was now staring at him weirdly.

 

“Are you sure you’re fine, Jaebum?” Jackson asked, a bit worried and at Jaebum's  nod he continued, “At least use your voice as minimal as possible then, okay?”

 

JB nodded again because he couldn’t speak and he was sure if he even opened his mouth he would cry because _maybe they do care about me and maybe I wrong this whole time_ so he just nodded his head.

 

Actions speak louder than words anyways.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

JB could conclude that after 3 days of his throat being sore and no other symptoms of the cold, he was not sick. And then he made the inference that his throat was just sore from overuse.

 

Just four more days, he willed himself (mostly because no one else would) and got through most of the day. All that was left was dance practice.

 

And that’s when everything went to complete and utter shit.

 

During their dance practices, the members would like to sing their songs while dancing to increase their talent, and Jaebum was all up for it. Except today. He had been yelled at by his vocal instructor for cracking the high notes, and his manager was angry that they apparently weren’t trying hard enough. He was about a centimeter away from breaking down so all he wanted was to go home so his fluffy bed and hopefully sleep peacefully.

 

But the world hated him.

 

JB got most of the steps to their dance right, all the late night vigorous training finally paid off, but it was when it was his turn to sing that it went wrong. The beginning of his verse was all right, his moves fluid, but when it got to the higher parts, his voice painfully cracked on the first one.

 

Usually when this would happen, he would stop singing and continue dancing, yelling apologies until he verse finished but he didn't this time. _He couldn’t speak._

 

Nothing except painful sounds would come out when he tried to speak and fuck the choreography because he lost his voice and was majorly freaking out. Freaking out enough, to drop to the floor and _panic_.

 

JB never panics. So maybe that's why Got7 noticed something was very wrong. Jaebum registered someone shutting off the music as he grabbed at his throat.

 

Someone was rubbing his back frantically speaking jumbled words at him. He dimly realized it was Mark, his hyung, and only then he let himself look up.

 

The members were staring at him with wide eyes as Mark continued to ask what was wrong.

 

Jinyoung and Yugyeom rushed out to get the manager when they figured out that JB, the leader who dealt with everybody's problems, had something wrong with him.

 

Jaebum opened his mouth after a while to say he was fine,he truly was now, only to be reminded on why he panicked in the first place.

 

This time he felt tears cascading down his red cheeks. Tears he couldn't stop from coming.

 

Oh god. Why did he have to lose his voice now. This is the worst possible time. His soundless sobs seemed to worry Mark even more as he hugged the leader. By now Youngjae and Jackson crouched down by JB as Bambam left to get tissues.

 

“Come on, Jaebum-ah, what's wrong.” Mark whispered, gently. So gently that JB found himself relaxing easily.

 

He found himself drained after he stopped crying, the manager now in the dance studio.

 

“I can’t” he found himself squeaking out, “speak” he finished, going into a coughing outburst.

 

Mark patted  his back as Jaebum almost hacked his lungs out. The silence that followed was tense.

 

Usually if one of the members were acting like this, JB would fix it but now that it was JB with the problem, they were a bit lost.

 

The manager clapped his hands loudly and sighed, rubbing his eyes. “All of you guys, go home and rest. Jaebum, I'm taking you to the hospital.”

 

There was a cry of displeasure among the members but it was silenced by the manager.

 

“Go. I'll take of him just get your rest. Be ready for a normal schedule tomorrow.”

The members groaned as the manager led Jaebum out of the studio.

 

Jaebum only had one thought throughout this:

 

**Why am I the one who always brings this group down?**

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What?” Jaebum asked, not believing his ears.

 

The doctor grimaced and read off of her paper. “You have vocal nodules or nodes in your throat. I suggest you don't speak for the time being,”

 

Jaebum opened his mouth to argue but the doctor glared at him so he kept silent. The manager groaned, “Please continue,” he asked politely.

 

“Fortunately, the nodes didn't have time to grow yet so we are able to take them out with surgery before they destroy your vocal cords.” she skimmed the list before continuing, “Unfortunately, the next surgery available is in in two weeks so,” she paused before flipping the page.

 

“I have medicine you can take everyday to stop the swelling, you cannot speak or else the swelling will worsen, and,” she stared at him with a small smile on her face “Vocal nodes aren't really something you should be afraid of. Many idols have had them before.”

 

That thought calmed Jaebum slightly but the words Vocal Nodules still echoed freshly in his brain. It was a scary prospect, him ruining his vocal cords forever and he didn't like the sound of it.

 

His manager got up to leave after taking the medicine bag, and Jaebum moved to follow him.  It was quiet when they got into the car and the manager finally broke it.

 

“I'll tell them since you know,you can't speak,” the manager trailed off and Jaebum found himself narrowing his eyes at the car window.

 

He didn't like to be reminded that he had a problem. It would be worse if they knew anyways. “No,” Jaebum argued, not minding if he used his voice.

 

The manager was flabbergasted, “Jaebum, we have to tell them!” he argued back.

 

“I don't want to,” he whispered hoarsely, “They can't kn-”

 

“Stop talking!” the manager cut him off heatedly. “You can't abuse your voice like this, ok? You're human too, Jaebum. It's okay to tell people when you're not doing fine.”

 

Jaebum kept silent thinking over the man's words.

 

The rest of the ride was silence and pondering words.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Jaebum arrived home, the members were already waiting for him. The door opened and Jackson leaped up to greet him. JB took one look at the huddled group of people looking expectantly at him and blanched.

 

What was he supposed to do? Comfort them? He was the one with the problem so why were they looking at him with such lost eyes? He was the one who’s supposed to confide in them and be vulnerable for _once in his fucking lif-_

 

Jaebum brushed past Jackson and the rest of the members on the couch to go upstairs. His dull eyes stared at them lifeless for a moment, if it was any longer he was afraid he’d cry, and went to his room.

 

Jaebum was going to pretend that he didn't see Youngjae flinch at his look.

 

Even if he covered his ears with his pillows, he couldn't deny that he heard the members cries of outrage. He couldn't deny that it was his fault that the members were sad.

 

He also couldn’t deny that it _only_ seemed to be him to make his members sad.

 

In his wallowing, he didn't notice the door knob turning or the door slightly opening. The sudden hand on his shoulder reminded him that he wasn't the only one in the house so he couldn't cry like this.

 

“Oh Jaebum-ah,” Jinyoung stated, pulling the leader closer. JB didn't fight back, allowing Jinyoung to soothe him.

 

Jinyoung whispered sweet nothings into his ears as Jaebum slowly relaxed, all the earlier tension from his body relieving itself.

 

Once Jaebum thought he was okay, he sat up, looking at Jinyoung. He was surprised to find the other male silently crying, crystal tears making way down his cheeks. “Why are you crying, Jinyoung? This is not your fault.” he would have said more but the pain in his throat caused him to double over and cough.

 

Jinyoung immediately set to help him. “Don’t speak, Jaebum, you’ll only hurt your voice,” JB nodded his head silently as the younger continued, “And i was crying because i care about you and this scares me, okay?” he smiled slightly, “You probably don't understand but one day you will.”

 

Jaebum looked down at that, wondering what the younger meant. Sure, Jinyoung cared, but he hated seeing his members sad because of him. Why would they want to be sad? Instead of thinking too much, he just laid on his bed and turned to the side, lightly closing his eyes. He heard Jinyoung chuckle at him.

 

“Ok then, Jaebum. Goodnight. But remember that we all know you’re not okay and that you can tell us anything.” with those final words, he heard Jinyoung walk out the room and quietly close the door behind him.

 

Maybe when he woke up, Jaebum thought to himself, thinking to what Jinyoung told him, he’d share his struggles with his members. Maybe when he woke up, he would let them in more often and see his vulnerable side. Maybe when he woke up, he’d pave the road to getting better.

 

And for once both JB and Jaebum agreed on it.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry if it was bad i wrote this story at the beginning of 9th grade so it kinda sucked.


End file.
